It’s what paralyzes me

July 2, 2010

I saw this quote the other day:

Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing. ~Harriet Braiker

Then I found this one,

In order to go on living one must try to escape the death involved in perfectionism. ~Hannah Arendt

and this one,

Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough – that we should try again. ~Julia Cameron

and,

Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor. ~Anne Lamott

This is me. I am paralyzed by perfectionism…and it does feel oppressive. It seriously hangs like a dark cloud in my life. (And as an example, I just spent way too long looking for a “dark cloud” image, but of course, couldn’t find the perfect one.)

My brain is FULL of things I’m going to do — great ideas and exciting dreams. The problem is that they stay in my brain. They also stay in my journal(s) where I start them and then scrap them because I criticize myself right out of them (“Oh, it probably wouldn’t work anyway. It’s a dumb idea.”).

I hate it. I’m on a quest for freedom.

Got any advice for me?

Related posts:

  1. Time Management
  2. Trading
  3. Rules. Bad?
  4. The Girl Behind the Geek
  5. A people-pleasing parent. Not a good combination.

Category: Dumb Things, My Issues, My Life

Comments

20 Responses to “It’s what paralyzes me”

  1. Rebecca
    July 2nd, 2010 @ 10:30 am

    Um, I suffer from the same problem and it sure is paralyzing! I wish I could offer some advice!! It gets really tiring and I hardly ever really accomplish anything because I always think it won’t be good enough. My mind is worn out before I even DO anything!

  2. Pamela O.
    July 2nd, 2010 @ 11:08 am

    Aim, here’s my idea…start a RP (Recovering Perfectionist) group. Meet with a few gals each week over coffee, I say this cause I think it’s beneficial to get out of the house and away from your surroundings but if you must do it online then so-be-it. Share your ‘journal’ entries of things you’ve been thinking about. Bounce ideas off each other, encourage each other, discourage each other from dumb ideas ;) , whatever works. Just an idea, not that I do it. I need something similar, a RSD group (Recovering Self-Doubter).
    I think you are amazingly talented, for what it’s worth. :)

  3. Amy
    July 2nd, 2010 @ 11:12 am

    Gasp!! Share my journal entries?!?! In all their chaotic glory. That would be torture to my sick self.

    Probably exactly why I should do it…

    Thanks. :)

    P.S. I love you.

  4. Turkana W
    July 2nd, 2010 @ 3:40 pm

    My name actually means perfection…my real one I mean, so I am cursed with this lovely dark cloud. Sometimes, it rains tears because of how it makes me feel. It helps to have a husband who doesn’t expect that of me. It helps to be real with my kids and it’s helping me as I am trying to be more transparent with my friends around me and on my blog…although, I haven’t had a complete platform yet for a true “lay it all out on the table” post. I like the coffee idea. At least you keep a journal. I don’t think I could write the way I think I should ;)

  5. erika kar
    July 2nd, 2010 @ 7:33 pm

    I share your pain.
    The Group sounds like a good idea. And to help everyone that would be attending – the #1 rule should be “You must have dirty dishes in the sink and laundry piled somewhere.”

    If I lived near you, I would love to be part of the group :)

  6. Sarah
    July 2nd, 2010 @ 8:14 pm

    Oh that is so me to a “t”!!! Maybe that’s why things get started than stopped so much in my life. I have these great ideas and I work so hard…but some are like unfinished craft projects around the house…they never come to completion. I never thought it was because of perfectionism until I read this. *sigh*

  7. Jennifer
    July 2nd, 2010 @ 8:52 pm

    I am a recovering perfectionist. I began by asking the Holy Spirit to make me aware when I am “in a moment” of trying to make something perfect. When I realize it, I begin to pray for Him to help me let it go and be satisfied if it is “less than perfect”. Of course I still have moments when I don’t listen to Him – one day I will get it perfec…well you know what I mean.

  8. Amy
    July 3rd, 2010 @ 5:20 am

    So true. I just finished listening to Forgotten God by Francis Chan. Have you read it? Great food for thought about the Holy Spirit. I’m trying to really “get” what it means that the Holy Spirit actually lives in me. Wild.

  9. Amy
    July 3rd, 2010 @ 5:21 am

    Well, just know you’re not the only one. :)

  10. Amy
    July 3rd, 2010 @ 5:22 am

    You must have dirty dishes in the sink and laundry piled somewhere.

    LOL! That’s awesome.

  11. Amy
    July 3rd, 2010 @ 5:26 am

    Well, I use the term “journal” very, very loosely. Mainly what I mean is that I have random (always started but never finished) notebooks and bits of paper lying around with my thoughts jotted down on them. Even if I could just keep it all in one place, that’d be a major improvement. :)

  12. Jenni Chacko
    July 7th, 2010 @ 6:24 am

    Oh Amy! I connected with you virtually when I saw you had 4 kids and that you are a former pastors wife – then I read this post!! I too have countless ideas that end up sitting on the desk, waiting …. The sad part is that many of these ideas have the potential to bless many others if they ever get wings. I used to ‘condemn’ myself for being a chronic procrastinator until I realized that procrastination for me is only the symptom. The cause is perfectionism! So, could I pray for you each time I find myself being flooded out under this dark cloud? And I welcome your prayer for me in the same way. Here’s to imperfect but passionate Kingdom service!

  13. Laura
    July 7th, 2010 @ 2:18 pm

    Jenni – Wow, what a motivator! “Many of these ideas have the potential to bless many others if they ever get wings.”

    I (like all of you) have a bazillion ideas of things that I’d love to do with my time, and it’s only gotten worse as I’ve quit my outside-of-the-home job and become a stay-at-home mom with all of this time during the day to fill. (And yes, that includes filling with chores, taking care of the little ones, and all that.)

    It’s just so difficult for me to choose what’s truly best and leave all of the other good things undone.

  14. elizabeth
    July 9th, 2010 @ 12:31 am

    I suffer from the very same thing. I think it partly stems from the insecurities I so neatly tuck under a facade of outward confidence from doing things “perfectly” (when I’m really coming apart on the inside). I know that my perfectionism also comes from a desire to get the praise of others (a crazy mix of pride and never feeling quite good enough). I am in the middle of reading Beth Moore’s new book “So Long Insecurity.” Reading this book has been a healing journey on perfectionism and several other areas in my life. I can’t wait to get to the end of the book and open a new chapter (and also hope to say “so long to perfectionism”)!

    Love your blog. Thanks for your transparency and honesty and pointing to the Lord. I’ve appreciated all the comments from the other ladies as well. Ladies, we are clothed with strength and dignity (proverbs 31), because of Christ in us. Let’s not let perfectionism have its hayday on our lives!

  15. Amy
    July 9th, 2010 @ 5:18 am

    Love this:

    The sad part is that many of these ideas have the potential to bless many others if they ever get wings.

    So true. I sell everyone short — others, myself and God. Perfectionism is prison.

    Thank you!

  16. Amy
    July 9th, 2010 @ 5:19 am

    I agree, Laura. It’s tough to abandon so many good things!

  17. Amy
    July 9th, 2010 @ 5:21 am

    I think it partly stems from the insecurities I so neatly tuck under a facade of outward confidence from doing things “perfectly” (when I’m really coming apart on the inside). I know that my perfectionism also comes from a desire to get the praise of others (a crazy mix of pride and never feeling quite good enough).

    All I can say is, “Amen and Amen!”

    Thanks Elizabeth.

  18. Sharon Lewis
    July 12th, 2010 @ 11:14 pm

    “James 1:2 reads ‘Count it all joy when you fall into diverse temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work that you may be PERFECT and entire, wanting for nothing.’ We strive to be as perfect in God’s sight as possible. Strive means to try the best you can. It’s not an indicator of perfection. it’s an indicator of determination and maturity. Little do we know, while we’re counting our mistakes He’s looking beyond the mistakes and counting the number of times we get on our feet after making them…The process of striving allows God to know you and you to know Him (Luke 13:24-27). It builds the relationship between you and Him because only when you struggle to live right does God come in and show you His power in you.” – Finding God in the Mirror by Sharon Lewis

    Striving to be flawless can be devestating. Striving to be mature builds character. Be blessed.

  19. Amy
    July 13th, 2010 @ 6:30 pm

    Thank you Sharon.

  20. AllieZirkle
    August 30th, 2010 @ 5:15 pm

    This is totally what I needed to read today. This is something that I struggle with, daily. Recently, my hubby of 5 years, pointed out that I take on too much and then never follow through with anything because I’m too busy seeing the big picture and being willing while the “able” part is buried in the busyness of life.

    I’m so glad I found you because you’ve hit the head of the nail on so many occasions. You’ve put words to my confusion that sits inside.

    Allie