What would you say…?

March 6, 2009

In keeping with the “pastor’s wife” theme from last time, I have another question for you PWs, prompted by Rich’s comment.

So, if you met a woman who was just about to become a PW herself, how would you encourage her or what advice would you give? 

(By the way, I’m loving watching the poll results so if you haven’t done so already, go over there and vote!)

Related posts:

  1. Are you a pastor’s wife?
  2. What Pastors’ Wives Really Want
  3. Answers – 2nd installment
  4. You May Feel Alone, but You’re Not
  5. You Know You’re a Pastor’s Wife When…

Category: Pastors, Pastors' Wives

Comments

13 Responses to “What would you say…?”

  1. Chuggie
    March 6th, 2009 @ 9:48 am

    I agree with the comment about it being a call on the wife as well as the husband; but it’s a different kind of call. For instance, he’s on staff, not me. Therefore I willfully submit to it as not just his ministry, but as God’s provision for our family. I am honest with him about my personal needs, but understand that I am not needy and it isn’t about me. My part in the ministry is to free him up to do his job, even at the times that it isn’t convenient. This is a prayerful attitude, not a concrete one. Balancing family life with church “job” is not easy at all. But I find that when I freely give him the support he needs, he is responsive to the support I need. Now, I like to think that I have the most unique, wonderful, and Godly husband in the world. But I know that he’s human. He makes mistakes and needs grace…just like me. Two words keep coming up…commitment and communication…not just between us, but ultimately between us and God. Oh, and one more thing, take time to make trustworthy friends, which can be very few. I’m still working on my thoughts on this, but I have to stop because the comment is TOO LONG already. Thanks Amy! You are awesome!

  2. Chuggie
    March 6th, 2009 @ 10:30 am

    Further thought…I have to pray for wisdom and grace for the possible/probable perception that my husband, and sometimes me and the family, are not actually people with real lives, struggles, feelings and need for growth. Rather that we are in some way an extension of a facility that exists only to meet their needs and should be fully functional all the time at a moments notice. Guard your hearts and minds! It can be so easy to become resentful, cynical, and jaded. Service in this capacity is such a blessing, but it often turns into enabling if not carefully watched and prayed over.

  3. Rachel Dallaire
    March 6th, 2009 @ 1:38 pm

    I would love to hear what you all have to say too! My husband will be done with school and we’ll be starting our journey into all of this next year. I’m excited, but I’ve been a little anxious about my role as well (which is how I found this blog-from searching for info/advice for pastor’s wives :-) .

    Rachel Dallaire’s last blog post..>It’s Coming :-) <

  4. Erica
    March 6th, 2009 @ 1:39 pm

    Having been a Pastor’s Wife for only 2 years now, I’m still learning. However, there are a few things I wish someone would have told me.
    1. There is no training for PW’s. Depend on God to mold you. He will make you what HE wants you to be, not what the sterotype says.
    2. People don’t like change. Make sure God is leading everything you do.
    3. I’ve also learned that it’s just best to be silent sometimes. Just like the Bible tells us,(women are to be silent) Satan loves when our tongues slip out of place. (And most women’s doe.)
    4. Support your husband in everything he does. He has the most difficult job. Pray for him always and in everything. Give him encouragement.
    5. It is very stressful! God allowed humans to make Prozac just for the Pastor’s Wife. Use it when you finally get to that point!
    6. Don’t ignore your kids, they are in the fishbowl, too. Be sure to keep a good relationship with them.
    7. Even with all of the stess and hardtimes, this is the most rewarding job…well…call that there is. God’s rewards and provisions outweigh anything else out there. This may be a job without worldly pay, but the heavenly paycheck is more powerful!

    Well, I think I’ve hit most of the points I wanted to make. Just remember to talk to God like he is your best friend. He’ll supply you with everything you need, in one way or another. Even if it’s just the blog site of a former Pastor’s Wife, He’ll make sure you are not alone!
    Thanks Amy! HE is using you!

  5. Indira
    March 6th, 2009 @ 2:46 pm

    Love all of your points, Erica.

    I agree that a pastor’s wife also has to be called by God to be just that. The best thing she can do for her husband is support him in his ministry and pray for him.

    Think of it as a partnership. The pastor’s wife is there to compliment the pastor and support him. The pastor will not be able to counsel other women and that’s where you come you. You are his right hand…whether it’s helping out with the sermon, taking on a few more household chores so that he can study the word of God.

    Always think of ways to serve your husband. By serving him, you are also serving Christ.

    Indira’s last blog post..They got hitched!

  6. crickl's nest
    March 6th, 2009 @ 8:18 pm

    Oh I love the opportunity to tell a new PW:

    People have a lot of expectations of pastor’s wives. They will try to get you to mold into who they think you should be (well intentioned as they are). But please remember….the only One you need to even think about fitting the mold of is Jesus. He created you to be YOU. Find the gifts He’s equipped you with, embrace the personality HE gave you and love your husband as the person God created him to be, as well as any children He gives you.

    People can change their expectations in time. God will reward you for seeking His desires for you instead of theirs. And your family will be infinitely more blessed and free to seek God’s opinion instead of outward opinions.

    Thanks for the platform!

    crickl’s nest’s last blog post..Life doesn’t wait for a good time to come at you

  7. karla
    March 7th, 2009 @ 12:39 am

    I remember when we went before the search committee before my husband was hired. They asked me what I thought my role was, and I told them I thought my role was the same as theirs: a member of the church. So, while I SHOULD be an active and participating part of the body, I shouldn’t be doing ANYTHING because I am the pastor’s wife. So, if I had a hard night with the baby waking me up and I don’t feel like getting the kids ready by 9, I don’t go. And if I WANT to be involved in Sunday school, then I am (like last year). If I don’t want to, and if I feel like I have enough other things on my plate, (like this year), then I don’t feel like I have to say yes to anything.
    At home, as the wife of a pastor, I think my role should be one of encouragement, of support, of a listening ear….the same as I would be had my husband had any other stressful, high-energy job.

  8. tami
    March 10th, 2009 @ 9:06 am

    I love what Chuggie has to say. We recently ordained two new pastors for our church and I held a lunch for their wives. They all (even the wives that have been there a while) received your logo mug “I’m the pastor’s wife and I have issues”.

    It was funny and yet I explained that the sooner they can be comfortable with the fact that they have issues and that most parisheners don’t make allowances for that, the healthier they will be. They also received a Target gift card to represent how they now have a big target on their back.

    We now have seven pastors wives in our church with all kinds of backgrounds, skills and baggage. It takes a lot work but we try very very hard to unify as best we can and become a support system. For those pastor wives who have to fly solo, I would say to build a strong support system where ever you can find it. It’s an incredibly difficult role, but if you have support, it’s a blessing beyond words.

  9. Diane
    March 11th, 2009 @ 1:12 pm

    Hang on to your hat! It is a GREAT ride! I have been a pastor’s wife for about 15 years and love every day! I recommend you spray yourself with PAM so nothing sticks. Laugh alot, as the joy of the Lord is your strength. Always be at your husband’s side and be a great listening ear (you don’t even have to offer comment after he shares!). Smile at everyone and be an encourager. Serve the church in whatever way you are gifted or enjoy. Sometimes you get the privilege of starting a new ministry and then passing the baton on to other great leaders. See potential in the young people and grow leaders. Teach them to pray and worship, by example mostly. And, enjoy serving God where He has divinely appointed you. What a privilege!

  10. Amy
    March 11th, 2009 @ 3:38 pm

    Be yourself and find your own gifts, not those others think you should have. And be sure to find a group of friends outside the congregation who will support and encourage you, pray, and listen when things are rough – this is essential! Blessings!

  11. Cz
    March 14th, 2009 @ 10:15 pm

    karla: i was asked a similar question. and like you, i did not give any traditional answer. i believe my number one role on this earth is to be his wife, second to raise our children, then third whatever the Lord asks of me. it’s not always easy to maintain those priorities in that order, but that is my goal.

    diane: i resonate most with you. having been in ministry 15 years and still loving the ride. we are in a season that has been horrendously difficult. 2 years and still hard stuff happening.

    when my husband came home and considered another career, we both grieved. the loss of ministry was so great. even with all the brutal yuck of these 2 years, it remains our heartbeat.

    for a woman new to ministry i would say: everything has a season. ecclesiates must have been written for pastor’s wives. there will be years of bumper crops and seasons of despair. but that is true regardless of the career. as my mentor says often with a simple shrug of the shoulders, “that’s ministry.”

  12. Rachel
    November 9th, 2009 @ 7:49 am

    I was nervous to marry a pastor so before I did I asked a Pastor’s wife what advice she would give me. She said it’s really simple, “Be the best Christian you can be”. That’s it? She said being the best Christian you can be will help you be the best Pastor’s wife you can be. It makes sense.
    I happen to have a loving and understanding pastor husband who puts absolutely no pressure on me to be or do anything I “should”. I serve in my church because I am me…not because I am a pastor’s wife. I serve in areas I would serve in regardless if I was married to a pastor or not. I plan to keep it that way.

  13. Eileen
    January 3rd, 2010 @ 5:37 pm

    I have been married for 30 years. 22 years I have been a Pastor’s wife. You alone can define who you are and what your role will be in the life of the church. People might try to guilt you into doing things and some may attempt to manipulate you. Be strong and let the Lord determine your path.