Are you a pastor’s wife?

March 4, 2009

I am amazed at how often I get emails from other pastors’ wives (and occasionally their husbands) who express very similar struggles to my own (i.e. usually a mix of depression and disappointment in the ministry).  When I get an email like that, there are two things I find myself saying again and again:

  1. You are not alone. There are many, many women who are in the very same boat, struggling with the very same thing.  In fact, I find it downright alarming that there are so many PWs having such a difficult time.  Some might wonder what’s wrong with us, but I wonder what’s wrong with the way we’ve set up church.
  2. Check out the Pastors’ Wives Forum. This is an online forum where PWs gather to chat, share stories, provide encouragement and pray for each other.  There are great women there and I guarantee you’ll find “kindred spirits” there.

Given the content of this blog, I realize the emails I receive are probably not an accurate cross-sampling of all PWs.  But just for kicks, I made up this little poll below and if you are a pastor’s wife, I would love it if you’d indulge me.

Related posts:

  1. Hey Pastors’ Wives
  2. You Know You’re a Pastor’s Wife When…
  3. What would you say…?
  4. My secret life as a pastor’s wife
  5. A Pastor’s Wife Kills

Category: My Issues, Pastors, Pastors' Wives

Comments

7 Responses to “Are you a pastor’s wife?”

  1. Indira
    March 4th, 2009 @ 11:51 am

    I love what my husband does but if the Lord called him to do ministry outside of the church I would feel fine because I know we are in the center of the Lord’s will.

    Indira’s last blog post..Do it myself or not?

  2. Jen
    March 4th, 2009 @ 11:59 pm

    I know that we’re in it and that’s not changing, so I’m blooming where I’m planted. I do love things about ministry, and there are also things that, well, not so much.
    I feel like we would be trying to make a difference either way, minister or laity. Thanks for the poll. Very interesting.

  3. Sara
    March 5th, 2009 @ 4:31 pm

    When I was about to marry my husband I was more anxious about becoming a pastor’s wife then marrying my husband, BUT God is in control! And though being on the front lines in ministry is sometimes darn right difficult I wouldn’t trade a day. This is God’s call on my life, on my husbands, and on my family. Even during the worst storms (and man have we been in them!) I come out not wanting to trade a day. My faith just keeps growing stronger and stronger roots. And it is getting harder and harder to get knocked down! If God wants to change our families call you better believe we would still be telling everyone about our awesome God and Savior . I would be excited to see the awesome ways God would use us. God is so great and his plans are for good, for hope. (Jeremiah 29:11) Sorry about the long rambling comment. Cool to stumble across your blog.

  4. Rich Frazer
    March 5th, 2009 @ 8:52 pm

    Amy:
    Thank you for your blog and for what you are doing to give pastors’ wives a voice. I have been married to one for nearly 30 years! We’ve had our ups and downs.
    I now train leaders around the world on several issues including marriage. I was asked to speak to pastors and their wives in Trinidad in a few weeks. May I ask pastors’ wives in your network what they would say to other pastors’ wives to encourage them?
    Rich

  5. Shane
    March 10th, 2009 @ 2:20 pm

    My first response to the poll was “relieved” But then when I thought about it, I feel like I would be a little lost and confused. Only because my hubby and I talk about so much. We share a lot with this ministry. Now.. if we decided together that he was to leave… yes, relief from the stress and pressures of this ministry would flood my life!

    Shane’s last blog post..The Bucket List

  6. Diane
    March 11th, 2009 @ 1:15 pm

    You forgot to add a selection in your poll, “I don’t know”. I’d have to cross that bridge when we got there… I’m not a dreamer so I don’t think about things like this.

  7. Pam
    March 16th, 2009 @ 2:27 pm

    I have been married for 28 years in June. My husband is a second career pastor (which means we are both “seasoned” as in salt and pepper looking–he’s more salt than I but Loreal is MY friend). His “call” has been difficult, wonderful, frightening, transformational, maturing, (did I say difficult?). His ministry has been intertwined with my vocation and I believe we are still involved in this very strange dance–sometimes he leads, sometimes I lead and sometimes we both just stand there trying to figure out our next move. And our children have been wonderful through it all–they don’t seem a bit maladjusted (which was my biggest fear when we began down this road). To answer the question, “what would I say to other pastor’s wives”– hold on, relax, have hope because God is a wonderful inventor. God can take the craziest, most challenging, and sometimes the oddest life situations and create something so spectacular–far far greater than I could have imagined. And never stop communicating with your spouse. My sunday school class (oh yes, find a group of people who like you even if you do not fit the PW mold)has been studying “The Ten Commandments: Laws of the Heart” by Joan Chittister. She writes: “Marriage should be a duet–when one sings, the other claps. If the feelings are beginning to unravel…ask who isn’t clapping.” So lastly, if he has been doing all the singing and you all the clapping, it is probably time for you to find your voice. Blessings…