A people-pleasing parent. Not a good combination.

August 8, 2008

So I have this issue. (As if you didn’t know that.) I talked before about my people-pleasing tendencies, but now I’ve kicked it up a notch by having them WITH MY OWN CHILDREN. (Caps were probably not necessary there to get my point across because if you stop to think about it for any length of time, you can see how disastrous this is.)

Here’s me: Trying my darndest to put into practice all the great parenting advice I’ve collected–you know, like setting healthy boundaries and providing a reasonable amount of structure and whatever else they say will help you raise the next president. You probably don’t have this problem, but my efforts at parenting often means someone in this house doesn’t get precisely what they want at the exact moment they want it…which, around here means someone might just flip their lid…which means I either (a) begin to second-guess myself mercilessly, as in, “Was I being totally reasonable there?” or (b) immediately and suddenly am transported back to fourth grade when my goal in life was for every single person in the whole wide world to like me, really, really like me. The psychological, inner-child circus going on inside my brain really hampers my positive parenting techniques.

But I’ve always been this way. When something goes wrong, I generally figure it’s my fault. When someone’s mad, I’m sure I did something to make them so. Even when good things happen, I excel at pointing out how they could’ve been better had I not [fill in the blank]. Do you realize how sick this is? Sick, people. I’m sick.

And now God wants me to raise children who are unhappy with me on a daily basis? Nice. Real nice.

Category: My Issues, Parenting
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Comments

3 Responses to “A people-pleasing parent. Not a good combination.”

  1. Shane
    August 8th, 2008 @ 8:14 pm

    Yeah, you’re right, probably not the best combo. But, after a while, I seemed to get used to the fact that the kids don’t always like me. I found out as a teacher (prior to having my own children) that kids actually liked being around the teachers that made them mad…. they need boundaries… they don’t like it - but they need it! Hang in there!

  2. amy
    August 9th, 2008 @ 7:26 am

    Shane, hopefully I can get used to it by the time they leave this house. :)

    Thanks for your other comment. I’ll keep your email handy. ;)

  3. Chuggie
    August 10th, 2008 @ 7:48 am

    Amy,

    I totally get your point. I have two boys of my own, and then a step-son with Downs. I am so unpopular in my own home. My husband just keeps reminding me that our movie isn’t over yet, and I shouldn’t try to presume how it will end. I like that, being a big movie person who really appreciates the ones that aren’t easy to predict.

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