Comments on: More soul searching

By: Katie

Katie — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 16:30:21 +0000

Hey Amy! This is Katie from PNG. I came across your blog on your facebook and have been reading through it a little. I just wanted to say that I am an optimist and so far from being a perfectionist that it’s sad, and of course, I’m not a pastor’s wife. So I really have no way of relating to the situation of a pastor’s wife. Anyway, having completely disqualified myself from saying anything, now, I’m going to say something. ;oD

When I was 25, I met a pastor’s wife who changed my life as a woman. She wrote a book about 5 years after I lived with her family and worked in their ministry. I know you have probably had every book on the planet suggested to you. Anyway, I guess I’m going to add another one to the list. (Do I hear all the pastor’s wives snarling “drats…curses upon her for recommending another book”? Hee hee.) It’s called “Created To Be His Helpmeet”. http://shop.nogreaterjoy.org/ People seem to either HATE it or love it.

Anyway, you’re posts rock! They have made me laugh, and one actually made me cry. You sound like one awesomely tough woman (that’s a compliment)that’s been lavished with grace, and continues choosing obedience when obedience is a hard choice. And it sounds like you’ve got an amazingly God-fearing, loving husband.

Looking back, I see this response doesn’t even really fit here. Oh well, chicken smell. What can I say? =oD

Love to you!

By: Julie B

Julie B — Fri, 06 Apr 2007 01:11:57 +0000

I am the pastor’s wife in a church where we have 6 retired ministers’ wives attending due to a retirement home for retired ministers in our area. I don’t feel like I have a voice. I have even been “corrected” during a Bible Study by one of these retired ministers’ wives. Needless to say, I never went back. How would you handle a situation like this?

By: Robert

Robert — Sat, 12 Aug 2006 05:08:57 +0000

I am not a PW came across your wonderful blog via another one i am a former pastor and knowing many pastors and their wives i think you display an openness honesty and humor that enriches the spirit of anyone who comes and reads. its obvious to me by the few comments you have on just this thread alone that you are a blessing and encourager to many PW’s Amy. Praise God you struggle with issues in your life and willingly question them. I share with most of my dear sisters on here KEEP GOING!! My sister is secretary at our church i think ill send her here she sure would enjoy all of you!!!! One question to ask all of you PW’s… do you tell your husband he cant hug his secretary??? Curious because my pastor was told that by his wife does make sense because of the realtionship would be very tempting st times

By: Kathryn

Kathryn — Tue, 18 Jul 2006 01:49:47 +0000

I am not a PW, but I am a PK. Often, the family is on the front lines with the pastor. I can imagine there were Biblical spouses like Lappidoth or Shallum who also felt those pressures. They had godly wives who were leaders and they lived in patriarchal times, so I think the pressures were probably even stronger for them. Keep it honest, Amy. Keep letting people see your heart.

By: TKls2myhrt

TKls2myhrt — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 14:34:07 +0000

Dear Amy,

I am not a pastor’s wife, but I’d like to comment from the point of view as of a fellow Christian and a blogkeeper for the past two years. My one recommendation to any blogger, new or otherwise, is to be yourself and stick to whatever your original blog goals were in the first place. Readers and commmenters will come and go. Some comments may bite, but your blog is not the place for any reader to give you free analysis. Any true concerns should be submitted to a blog-keeper privately. Turn to those who truly know you for any personal advice. I love your blog for its honest commentary on life. Do not change because someone doesn’t happen to like it. As another great blogger once wrote: “If you don’t like it, go away.”

By: Andrea

Andrea — Sun, 09 Jul 2006 21:03:46 +0000

Amy,

God has used your blog, your expression of your struggles and revealing some of who you really are to make me feel more comfortable being who I am (PW or not). I am a pastor’s wife and I don’t know what it even means to be simple and organic. Sounds like food.

Life, itself is not simple. Throw in being under the looking glass and expected to always do things the right way and not be HUMAN makes being a pastor’s wife more difficult. It’s a confusing role and I think Carolin’s reactions to you being real and not a painted, silent trophy on the arm of a pastor is evidence that not enough attention, help and instruction are given to us in how to “be a pastor’s wife.” And evidence that many do not understand what it means to be a PW.–that it means something.

I’ve gotten two pieces of advice on how to be a “pastor’s wife”, which is more of a job description than an adjective than previously thought:

1. Be yourself
2. Be a wife to your husband

If only it were that organic…

That’s as simple as it gets. And I’d like to meet the person who honestly has experienced the simplicity of of those two things.

Amy thank you for blogging, keep it up and keep being real. One of the challenges of being known only by written word is that our words, our tone and our meaning go unnoticed and misunderstood.

By: Maiju

Maiju — Sat, 08 Jul 2006 19:07:41 +0000

Hi Amy! I enjoy your blog and find it spiritually uplifting many times.

I’m not a pastors wife so I can’t totally understand your situation. But as teacher and now as a vice principal I think I face many similar things than you do in a smaller scale.

I get a lot of expactations and if some of the parents think i did well some think I didn’t. I do my work with my whole heart giving my soul into it. So it’s hard when others don’t see it. I also don’t think that it’s fair that when I accused of many things all i can do is smile back and tell that I’m sorry if i offended someone. I always have to be the one who is the “bigger person” trying to forget that I got hurt. In stead I give love back (of course that doesn’t happen everytime while I’m a human – but I should).

What I’m trying to tell is that I totally understand the feeling when you get frustrated with others and would like to throw the bad ones back etc. (I understand the joke and I could relate to he feeling). Still I think it’s wrong for you to say it out loud. As it is for me to curse some parents in my mind. We just have to live in that situation and take that matter to God.

I was very upset with one mother once and decided that now I don’t work with her any more. Two days past she told she has a cancer. Then I realized that we all have our own burdens to carry and now it’s my duty to help this family in their trial. O’boy it was hard!

Anyway as humans we can’t live the expactations of others and ourselves many times but let’s keep on trying. Blessings to you!

By: chesedj

chesedj — Thu, 06 Jul 2006 07:59:49 +0000

This is my first time on your site and I’ve enjoyed reading your and your readers’ comments. I’ve learned a lot about myself and pw’s in general. I made up my mind as did my husband that we would never be a pastor and pw. God does love us when we think we have a choice in those things. We were the only ones surprised to find ourselves in these roles. I’ve noticed that we(pw’s) often think a lot alike and that I’ve been in the position of dealing with others’ expectations my whole life. I just realized God has been grooming me for this in unorthodox ways my whole life, saved and unsaved! Thanks for helping me see that. Btw, in lots of professions(police, doctors, judges, teachers, … seeemingly inappropriate jokes and comments are made that shock only the new recruits and the outsiders. It’s healthy and is a natural mechanism many use for coping with unnatural/out of the ordinary circumstances and professions. Also, I’m so proud of you for taking the time to do some honest soul searching rather than just patting her on the head as someone who might be inexperienced in your heels.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Tue, 27 Jun 2006 14:00:41 +0000

I agree with joannmski. There are plenty of blogs out there if this one doesn’t suit her fancy. It was very spiritually mature of you to examine yourself. Whether or not you have some bitterness problem is between you and God. The majority vote has said that it doesn’t come through to us on your website if you do. Being a pastor’s wife is such a tough thing. We have no job description and so many expectations. In the last 24 hours I have had 2 people outline to me things that the THINK I should be doing as a pastors wife. Both were different. I imagine every one of our members has a different idea. That doesn’t even touch on their ideas about how my children should act. I better add a disclaimer before I get a comment from Carolin P. I love my church and our members. They are very good to us and I truly think that they don’t know what they are doing. It isn’t intentional. I don’t hold a grudge, nor am I bitter. I just find it odd.

By: joannmski

joannmski — Mon, 26 Jun 2006 16:57:04 +0000

I am tired of Carolin P. and her judgemental criticism. I suggest she visit other blogs in order to meet her needs.
Amy, you’ve done a great job with both your blog and creating community among PWs and we really appreciate that and thank God for you.