Hey Pastors’ Wives

May 25, 2006

Two things.

First, apparently we’re famous. Check us out in the article, The Lonely Life of a Pastor’s Wife by Gracie Bonds Staples in yesterday’s edition of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

Second, if I build it, will you come? They say we (i.e. pastors’ wives) are lonely. Well, I know I am on occasion, and if the comments and emails I get are any indication, it seems many of you are too. One way to fight loneliness is to find someone else who understands your situation. (Yes, so profound.) I don’t know about you, but it’s not like I come across other pastors’ wives very often, mainly because most of the people I associate with on a regular basis are the people in our church and since my husband is the only pastor, that makes me the only pastor’s wife in the near vicinity.

So, I had a thought. If I started a forum/message board just for pastors’ wives (and/or ministry wives), would you be into it? I mean, do you think you’d participate? It’d be a place where we could connect, get to know each other and talk about stuff that’s unique to our weird lives.

Just thought I’d throw that out there to get a pulse on where you all are at. I know life is busy and maybe the last thing you need is another time-sucking online activity. I certainly don’t need to spend all kinds of time and energy getting a forum started if I’m the only one who’s gonna be in it. That would make me feel really lonely.

So what do you think?

Category: Lead, Pastors' Wives

Comments

36 Responses to “Hey Pastors’ Wives”

  1. TJB
    May 25th, 2006 @ 11:19 pm

    Wow…it is really amazing to find other pw’s who feel the same way. I found your site the other day while I too was feeling a bit down. I do a lot at our church and love helping my husband, but I get discouraged because I feel like I do not have any true friendships. I have many ladies I enjoy hanging out with and have great conversations with, but it is as though there is this invisible line that still remains that seperates me from the rest of the world. I have been a ministers wife for all my married life. I was a pk as well. Previously I was a youth ministers wife and I have only been an official PW for 2 1/2 years and honestly feel like I am winging it. I had no good examples to follow. Many of my family members that were in the ministry are now out due to affairs, and many are still living this double life. My own mother HATED every minute of the ministry and she and my father no longer attend a church except for Christmas and Easter. I don’t want to end up bitter like her. I love my husband, I love helping people, but I also love just being me and not a fake. I want people to see me the same on Sunday as they do on Monday. I want to honor God everyday by just being me.
    I stay very busy, but at this time in my life I feel this forum could be an encouragement to me.

  2. Stacy
    May 26th, 2006 @ 12:35 am

    I would love to join something like that.

  3. Kris
    May 26th, 2006 @ 8:05 am

    I think it would be fun. Count me in. I have been a minister’s wife for almost 8 years now and I have a few friends that are as well and I know they are a big help and support to me.

  4. Sarah
    May 26th, 2006 @ 9:22 am

    I’ll be there… :)

  5. kdrk
    May 26th, 2006 @ 9:44 am

    I caught the article in the Atlanta paper also and read about your website, so I decided to check it out.
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I am somewhat older, my kids are in college and I think that I have let go of the pressure somewhat. I have found that our most recent church does not seem to put as much pressure on me. I feel that there are more folks here that I can really share my feelings with. I work full time to help pay for our children’s expenses and I do enjoy my job, but I get very tired. I want to have time for other things than work and church. Most of the time my husband and I are too exhausted from our daily routine to do much else. We have found a couple in the church with whom we can socialize. THat has been good for us. We get together on a regular basis.
    I would enjoy talking with other pastor’s wives. I love to read and I love music. I love my kids and my husband. We are in the empty nest stage now and we are enjoying that.

  6. Mel
    May 26th, 2006 @ 3:54 pm

    I’m always up for chatting with other pastor’s wives.

  7. Mel
    May 26th, 2006 @ 3:56 pm

    Oh, and have you seen this site? http://www.pastorswives.org/

  8. crickl's nest
    May 26th, 2006 @ 4:40 pm

    I would definitely participate!

    And congrats on that new little cutie!!!

    Christie

  9. Kirken
    May 26th, 2006 @ 11:12 pm

    My husband is going into the ministry. He is currently in school and will be going to the seminary in a couple years. I am getting overwhelmed by it all and would love to have someone to talk to about it all.

  10. Caroline
    May 27th, 2006 @ 10:45 am

    I’d be happy to drop by for a visit.

  11. Jennifer
    May 27th, 2006 @ 1:25 pm

    I’ll be there. I’ve been a PW for almost 3 years and it’s been really hard. There always seems to be something in the way of connecting with the people in my church on a deeper level…like a huge wall. And I know now from experience (bad experience) that not everyone can handle the load that a PW carries. So, my best friend is still my husband…and it works out most of the time. (He just not girly enough for me sometimes) :-) And I just love to talk!!

  12. Jessica
    May 29th, 2006 @ 3:15 pm

    Count me in.

  13. Renee
    May 29th, 2006 @ 7:46 pm

    Please keep me informed if you do the forum for PW’s. I have been one for 25+ years. I’m pretty contemporary, I work outside the home and my last child is leaving the nest. My mom is a PW as well and it is very interesting to see how the expectations are different for me than they were for her generation.
    Love to be part of this!
    R.

  14. Victoria
    May 30th, 2006 @ 4:59 pm

    God always knows what we need. Count me in.

  15. Amy
    May 30th, 2006 @ 6:49 pm

    Okie dokie. I’ll get right on it. :)

  16. Desert Rose
    May 31st, 2006 @ 1:02 am

    Count me in.. I have seen the other forum mentioned above, but would like another site to go to as well. It’s always nice to have more then one!

  17. surcie
    May 31st, 2006 @ 2:17 pm

    I’d join! And yeah, I think being a clergy spouse can be extremely lonely.

  18. Dena
    May 31st, 2006 @ 8:18 pm

    I’d love to be a part of one. I’ll keep watching. :-)
    Welcome back and congrats on the baby. He is beautiful!

  19. Jes
    June 1st, 2006 @ 1:58 am

    While I’m not a PW, I am a “minsitry” wife. I have no friends, having just moved up here, and have had some major changes over the last year. Moved 1,000 miles away, had a baby, no family, no friends, severe PPD. But I”m coming out of it. The funk, that is.

    Congrats on your handsome lil’ sausage! He is so precious, and just sparked my always flickering baby-fever. Ugh. lol

    Amy, I love your writing, and I have been a bad reader and was MIA for a long while. But I”m back, w/a vengeance. I would love to join the forum, if I’d be had. ;)

  20. Leann
    June 9th, 2006 @ 11:46 pm

    Love your site! I have been a pastor’s wife for the past 17 years and it just doesn’t get easier - only different - as we go along. Thanks for sharing all you do!!!

  21. Marion
    June 11th, 2006 @ 8:16 am

    I have been a pastor’s wife for 5 years now and sometimes it is lonely. I just found your site tonight through googling while my husband was out and church. I’ve been sitting here reading through your old posts and feel like here is someone who understands what it can be like, the great times and the hard times of life in ministry. In our first church as pastor and wife there weren’t many people around our age and that was tough at times, although I did have a lot of “mother figures”. In our current church we have a wider mix of ages and have made good friends with a few couples who let us be ‘regular people’, which is so nice. Thanks for your blog Amy, and for being real, and letting other pastor’s wives be real too.

  22. Tess
    June 23rd, 2006 @ 10:42 am

    Would love to join.

  23. Joyce
    June 27th, 2006 @ 6:03 pm

    I’ll be there! Thanks, Amy.

  24. Tracy
    July 31st, 2006 @ 8:37 pm

    Just stumbled accross this site while looking for resources about being a pastors wife. I’m single, 38, and a long time Christian who’s a regular girl, rather than the spiritual giant I would hope to be. I am dating an amazing man who is a widowed pastor with 2 children and we are seriously considering marriage. I have never considered God had this role planned for my life until now. But the more we pray the more the signs are showing this is God’s plan. Would anyone be willing to offer advice on how to approach this huge decision. What does being a pastors wife really mean and what are the biggest challenges I can expect to face? Any advice would be welcome!

  25. Manytears
    August 24th, 2006 @ 9:14 am

    I am very glad to finally find someone or ones to talk with. No one understands the pressure or stress that is involved. I would love to join the forum just to help stay sane.

  26. Lynn
    August 27th, 2006 @ 5:23 pm

    It’s nice to know I’m not alone. I’ve been a pastor’s wife for a short time, but I really miss just being plain old me. It’s really quite depressing sometimes. How can a Christian woman keep helping others when she can’t even help herself? Oh yea, and my children are young: a pre-schooler and a third grader. This whole pastor’s family thing has been such an adjustment on them.

  27. Lisa Kay Robinson
    October 29th, 2006 @ 4:18 am

    Greetings!
    I’ve been in ministry for nearly 19
    years. The last 3 1/2 years I have been
    a Senior pastor’s wife. I’ve recently retired from the military (20yrs)and now learning how to be a stay-at-home mom for my 3 & 7 yr old. So I am experiencing some steep learning curves as we have experienced starting a church in our home with 60 visitors the first day.
    God had planted a vision in my heart
    about three years ago of having some
    type of pastors’ wives network. At first, I thought, how could I conduct a network like that if I’ve only been a Senior pastor’s wife for 6 months?
    Well, now, God is realy pressing in my spirit to start doing something. Currently, I’m doing research on the internet to see what is out there and I have met a lady this week, a pastor’s wife in Arizona, who has not had a friend or anyone to talk with in 20 years. In two emails she was able to pour out and her husband is very happy for her, now that she has me for a friend, and vice versa.
    Why am I explaining all this? I
    am interested to see your ideas for the
    forum. I’m a strong believer in “iron sharpening iron”. Jesus is soon to come. Why reinvent wheels?
    I was wondering if it will it be strictly internet orientated? I wrote down the vision God gave me in April of 2006. As God gives visions, sometimes we don’t know where to start. But walking by faith, knowing others ladies like myself are fighting the PW battle is a comfort in itself. Banding together in forum is a great step, I believe, in the right direction.
    God bless you richly in the building of
    the PW Forum. Love & prayers,
    Lisa Kay Robinson (Norfolk, VA)

  28. gail
    December 12th, 2006 @ 5:41 pm

    I too am a pw but i am not at all discourage. My main intrest is that we would pray one for the other for God to strenthed us to do a greater work than we have done. I feel that we are so for behind when it come to soul winning for God. I feel that we have greater responsiblity as pw then being lonely, afraid, hurt confused,.loving God mean loving everything that concerns him .he will prefect the things which concerns us .God will not put no more on you than you can bare. he has call us pw into a place that only pw can do so do what God has call us to do .feel honored that you are apastor’s wive. and know that you are loved by God for allowing God to trust you to do your best. God bless you very much

  29. LADY CWC
    July 5th, 2007 @ 3:49 pm

    I’d like to talk to other first ladies. We have a small church, 3 years old and I just found out that for the past two years my husband (the pastor) was having an affair with a church member. We have both been in affairs in the past but resolved not to do it again, especially after he started the church. I am devestated, trying to work through it and give God praise. My husband has put so many restraints on dealing with this that it is becoming harder and harder to bear. I smoke( I never smoked this long) and I lost over 20 pounds in a month and a half. Family members try to help but ultimatey they all blame me. My heart is broken.

    It was very messy, he lied and told her terrible and personal things about me and she was very ugly to me while he sat back and watched. He even sent me to the prison where she worked after we had a confrontation. Finally when she offended him, he got made and changed his number. I spoke with her at length and that upset him too. He wont show me phone records or move and everything just seems hazy. Have you got a conference or workshop for that?

  30. Amy
    July 5th, 2007 @ 8:54 pm

    Hi LADY CWC…wow, I’m so sorry to hear your story. I would encourage you to check out the Pastor’s Wives Forum. There are a lot of wonderful women over there who understand the various struggles we face as pastors’ wives.

  31. Christy
    August 8th, 2007 @ 3:42 pm

    I would love to join a group like this! I am a Youth Pastor’s wife and while I may not be an official PW, we are full-time and this is my husbands only job, so many of the same struggles are involved, with only slightly more silly string and pizza. We work for a pastor and his wife who are apx. the same age as our parents, and have been here full-time for 1 year. I work full-time and my husband and I were recently married May 2006. As I do all the typical things a PW would, like play the keyboard, sing, direct the choir, plus partner with my husband and the youth (I am affectionately reffered to as Pastor Christy)- a name I am NOT fond of! :), I sometimes feel like I work 10 jobs. Most of my “free-time” is spent with those much younger than I, so it presents it’s own challenges with lonliness etc. A unique situation - our senior PW is more uninvolved with “typical” PW things than most. She works dilligently with some ministries and keeps busy, but says she has learned things about straining yourself and personal boundries and time etc over the years - which is wonderful, but it leaves me to feel like I do alot!!! Obviously, I have a lot to say… :) This is so nice to chat with other!
    ~Hoping to connect with some other full-time YPW out there!
    ~Christy

  32. carnel
    September 23rd, 2007 @ 8:08 pm

    TO LADYCWC SOMETHING SIMILAR HAPPENED TO ME,HOWEVER I DID NOT HAVE A AFFAIR,BUT MY HUSBAND HAD INTENTIONS OR MAYBE HE DID.BUT ONE THING FOR SURE THE LADY IN QUESTION DID EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO MAKE ME THINK SO.I’M THE PASTORS SECOND WIFE SO A CLICK HAD ALREADY FORMED AGAINST ME BEFORE I CAME TO THE CHURCH HAS HIS WIFE.YOU I CAN NOT BELIEVE HOW JEALOUSLY AND ENVY CAN CAUSE CHRISTIAN PEOPLE TO HATE THE PASTORS WIFE.BUT I AM A LIVING WITNESS MY PROBLEM IS THESE WOMEN DON’T WANT ME TO DO ANYTHING IN THE CHURCH IT’S AS IF I AM SOME KIND OF THREAT.I AM NOT OVER THE WOMEN MINISTRY,CHILDRENS MINISTRY,I AM BARELY ABLE TO SAY I AM HIS WIFE.I WAS UP UNTILL ABOUT 2 MONTHS AGO OVER THE BENEVOLENCE MINISTRY AND DOING THE GREETING-READING THE BULLETIN ON SUNDAY MORNING[NEEDLESS TO SAY JUST HEARING MY VOICE FOR 5 MINUTES WAS MORE THAN THEY COULD STAND}I WAS ACTUALLY PICKED ON FOUR OF THE FOUR YRS WE’VE BEEN MARRIED ON AND OFF BY THIS GROUP OF WOMEN,UNTILL I GOT TIRED AND CONFRONTED ONE OF THEM.BAD DECISION BUT SOMETIMES YOU ARE PUSHED TO THE LIMIT.THIS SAME CLICK WAS ABLE TO BY PASS THE ELDER BOARD AND FORM A COMMITTEE AGAINST ME THAT WAS TAKING TO THE BOARD.NOW THIS WAS MY JUDGEMENT FOR NOT ATTENDING ONE OF THESE TRIALS BECAUSE I DID ATTEND ONE.I RECIEVED A CERTIFIED LETTER TELLING ME I COULD NO LONGER READ THE PROGRAMS OF BE OVER THE BENEVOLENCE MINISTRY.NOW HOW ABOUT THAT A CHURCH THAT BASICALLY WELL A FEW MEMBERS BECAUSE THE WHOLE CHURCH BODY DOES NOT KNOW WHAT HAS TAKEN PLACE ,HAS SAID THE PASTORS WIFE CANNOT PARTICIPATE IN ANYTHING AT THE CHURCH HE PASTORS.

  33. cyndy
    October 2nd, 2007 @ 4:08 am

    Yes, I would love to have a resource like this. I am new to this pastor’s wife thing. My husband just took on the role of associate pastor/ youth pastor. I can relate to a lot of you gals posting in regards to loneliness, wanting friendships, and spending most of your time with people 10-20 years younger than you. I have tried to reach out to ladies my age, but they seem to not want to socialize….or its me they don’t want to hang out with.

    My senior pastor’s wife is not one to take me under her wing. She is learning her role as well.

    The other ladies that don’t seem to mind spending time talking to me, could be my mothers.

    We just moved into the area to minister at this church and i really miss having my girlfriends to connect with. Maybe this blog will be that avenue for me. thanks

  34. Carolyn
    December 13th, 2007 @ 1:42 am

    Hi,
    I was recently appointed as president of the Pastors and Ministers Wives Auxiliary of my state church organization and I am interested in every function or activity that might benefit these wives. Where are you located and will this develop into more than just chatting?

    Carolyn - Albany, NY

  35. Bev
    February 28th, 2008 @ 5:01 am

    Hey this is great idea, count me in, please send me some more information.

  36. anitra
    March 20th, 2008 @ 6:21 pm

    i would love to chat with other first ladies what site do i need to go to

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