Alive & Well (& Exhausted)

May 16, 2006

(If I’m lucky, I’ve got about 45 minutes of uninterrupted time to get this post posted before someone wakes up around here. We’ll see if my calculations are correct.)

I am, as you can tell, alive. So is the rest of the family, including Bambino Numero Tres. All I can say is, WE. MADE. IT. (So far so good anyway.) Praise God!

Here he is…our little Sausage (my husband has a habit of assigning edible nicknames to each of our children—Burrito. Morsel. Sausage.) HE. IS. A. GIFT. Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes. I have enjoyed all your comments and emails.

So, here’s the story:

I last posted on April 13, just a few days before my due date. Well, my due date came and went with no baby in sight. I think everyone in the world who was pregnant and due in the month of April had their babies…meanwhile, I was still WAITING. I was starting to get a complex—like maybe God had forgotten about me (”Hey God, are you remembering that there’s a human inside here that really needs to come out? I beg of you, please GET HIM OUT.”)

Well, a week and a half later, I was told to call the hospital at 5 pm. Supposedly they would tell me to come in later that evening to be induced. Well, I called at 5 pm only to be told that I’d have to call back the following morning at 6 am because the Labor & Delivery department was too busy to fit me in. (I really didn’t want to be induced, but having to wait another 12 hours was akin to torture at that point.) Well, no matter, because I went into labor on my own 4 hours later. I showed them.

So, I had my first contraction at about 9 pm, we got to the hospital at about 11 pm, the baby was born at 1 am. 4 hours, start to finish. Not bad (excluding the pain, of course). Needless to say, I was extraordinarily grateful.

Things went quite well (if one can say that about labor and delivery), however I still made a few mental notes along the way. I thought I’d share them with you…

Giving Birth to Baby #3: Notes to Self

1. In the unlikely event I decide to become a manufacturer of hospital beds, I hereby solemnly swear that I will never make a hospital bed that only comfortably fits people LESS THAN 5′2″.
2. In the unlikely event I decide to go to Medical School and find myself working as a Resident in the Labor & Delivery department, I hereby solemnly swear that I will never, under any circumstances, fire questions at a woman who is clearly and unequivocally in the middle of a contraction. Such behavior is completely ASININE. What’s more asinine, is REPEATING MY QUESTION OVER AND OVER AGAIN THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE CONTRACTION…BECAUSE MAYBE SHE JUST DIDN’T HEAR ME THE FIRST TIME.
3. In the unlikely event I decide to go to Nursing School and find myself working as a Student Nurse in the OB ward, I herby solemnly swear that I will not enter the room of my first “real” patient 428 TIMES IN THE SPAN OF 6 HOURS. I will recognize that my patient HAS JUST GIVEN BIRTH TO A SMALL HUMAN AND COULD PROBABLY USE A LITTLE SLEEP. Correction: My patient could probably use a little sleep, but will never have the privilege of doing so IF I CONTINUE TO WAKE HER OR HER BABY UP EVERY 5 MINUTES BECAUSE I’M TRYING TO GET EVERY LAST EXTRA CREDIT POINT AVAILABLE TO ME. I will resist the urge to overachieve.

Well, apparently my 45 minutes are up. Kidlets calleth.

Until next time I have such a rare opportunity…

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I'm Amy. I have issues. And I am was the pastor's wife. Here's what happened.

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