By: David

David — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 00:19:37 +0000

to andrea…
im currently a seminary student who has just started. i also married my “chosen one” not too long ago and also moved to a new place and basically starting a new life together. She already feels everything you just shared about the pressures even on the wife of a seminary student. Working long hours to support financially. Constantly worrying about the future and financial security. Not wanting to meet people, especially at church, due to embarrassment of everyone knowing what kind of low-end job she has. the pressure of being a “pastor’s wife” constantly a unwanted reminder from everyone especially from my spiritual mother. I try time and time again to understand and remind her that all she needs to do is just focus on things one thing at a time and dont worry about church or needing to do anything in church. I try to support her a lot by not letting her do any house work especially after long days at work. i try to help her find her purpose in our marriage and her goals and dreams for the future. After all that, what i realized that it still doesn’t change the truth and reality of the current situation that i am a seminary student and pastor in training and she is working and working and sacrificing herself more and more. you know no idea how much i think twice about quiting seminary and finding a better career path with a better garantee for a stable life just for her. Seeing my wife suffering right now questions my own calling and my responsiblitiles as a man to be there and provide a better life for my wife. you know no idea how much I feel like a failure time and time again when she comes home in tears of wanting to go back home and not wanting do this anymore because of a simple argument at work. The smallest things get to her and she has become super sensitive to everything. I often think it is all pastoral training for me and for her. for me to be more sensitive and sup supportive on a level that far exceeds my own expectations. Also for her to be a future minister’s wife and for her to come to an understanding of finding peace and joy even in the midst of financial struggle and physical termoil.
Did God call me for this? Do all seminary students go through this? im sure im not the only one in the history of struggling seminary students.
one thing it has left me with through this difficult first semester is a deeper heart of love for her as my wife. this may be du to the pastor education for wives and family that i got at school but trying and working so much to keep her happy and at peace, through that process of trying and work has built in me a different and much needed kind of love for her that I didnt really have before. I’ll tell ya, seeing my wife work so hard to provide for us right now, it gives me tears and a heart of compassion for her. And in the midst of that, I found a growing heart of love for her.
so far no real issues to deal within church but they are slowly coming. i can feel certain things i need to protect her from in the future. a man’s job is to protect his woman. in the areas i cannot I pray God will protect her inwardly and outwardly.
one thing i fear is similar to your situation. she too has health issues and a weak body in general. I fear the days when she has to stay home out of illness. i pray she remains healthy for the time being. i pray for what to do.. to continue with seminary and watch her on the side. or to do something more supportive and provide a better life for her for our future. everyone talks of how life in ministry is a blessing. i want to believe that but at what cost? i guess thats up to God. all i know is that if anything serious ever happened to her at this time, i know i’ll never forgive myself.
just trying to love her… i will try to the best i can for now….

Comments on: What Pastors’ Wives Really Want

By: David