Dating & Marriage Not According to Me

March 4, 2006

Our church has an ever-increasing population of young, single adults and the topic of dating and marriage seems to be a popular one. Here’s an excellent article written by Elisabeth Elliot (married three times, widowed twice—once due to murder) and I found myself “amen-ing” all the way through. Her experience and timeless advice is just as relevant today as it was back when she wrote it.

Her suggestions aren’t exactly what you’d read in the pages of Cosmopolitan (or Cosmopornitan as my husband calls it). No, they’re more what you’d read in the pages of, well, the Bible—stuffy as it sounds. Call me crazy, but I tend to think the Creator of the Universe has a bit more knowledge on the subject than the current “Sex & Relationship Guru” who themselves are often divorced and devastated in love.

And if you don’t want to read the article, here’s the bottom line: exercise a little wisdom and restraint now and reap amazing fulfillment and relational wholeness for a lifetime. Now there’s a concept.

Category: Love, Marriage

Comments

7 Responses to “Dating & Marriage Not According to Me”

  1. Kathryn
    July 29th, 2006 @ 11:29 pm

    Although I appreciate the work Elisabeth Elliot has done in missions, and know she has given up much for our Lord, I cannot agree with her views on women and marriage. She says that a woman’s place is in the home, and that a wife should stay with an abusive husband. Such prejudice is appalling. I know and understand that anyone wants to make their marriage work, but these statements sound almost suicidal to me (I don’t mean her; just in general). Proverbs 19:19 tells us to let an abuser suffer punishment, for, if we do not, that person will abuse again. As to “a woman’s place is in the home”, the Bible refutes that from Genesis to Revelation (Deborah, Phoebe, Huldah, Priscilla, Junia, etc).

  2. Amy
    July 30th, 2006 @ 9:57 am

    Kathryn, just so I know where you’re coming from…
    How exactly do you define “a woman’s place is in the home” and how is that almost suicidal?
    As far as you see it, does Elisabeth Elliot teach something like, if your husband is abusive, stay with him, BUT remove yourself from harm’s way and take active steps toward true healing and reconciliation or does she teach, if your husband is abusive, stay with him, AND don’t separate yourself from him or the abuse for any length of time but just accept the fact that this is simply your lot in life? If it’s the latter, please tell me where she teaches that.

  3. Kathryn
    July 30th, 2006 @ 10:14 pm

    Re: Elisabeth Elliot’s statement on abusive husbands (this in particular is the “almost suicidal” reference): She has said in public that wives should stay with abusive husbands(wives “turning the other cheek”), although I cannot verify if she would ever justify leaving an abusive husband if the situation became life-threatening; surely she would, but I don’t know that. Regarding her sentiments about women at home, I read that statement in a Christian magazine years ago (it may have been Christianity Today, but I don’t remember). She is very popular in complementarian circles, in part because of her prejudiced attitudes toward women. I am from Texas, and a couple of years ago, she addressed the Southern Baptists of Texas (a complementarian organization of Texas Southern Baptists churches) Convention, a group usually given to quoting 2 Timothy 11-15 as a reason for women’s silence and subordination to men. Please understand that the complementarians I know would never, ever abuse their wives, nor am I saying that Elisabeth Elliot is in any way justifying such abusive action on the part of husbands; however, it has been shown that such abuse is linked to the hierarchical husband-authority, wife-subordination structure supported by complementarians.

  4. Amy
    July 31st, 2006 @ 9:43 am

    Your arguments about Elisabeth Elliot don’t hold water Kathryn.

    You say Elisabeth Elliot teaches that women should stay home. IF she teaches that, well then she doesn’t practice what she preaches, does she? Let’s recap: How many books has she written? How full is her speaking schedule? How far and wide has she travelled around the globe? Who risked her life to bring the Gospel to the very people that killed her husband? Bottom line: Unless I’m missing something, it’s obvious from her LIFE that she doesn’t teach “a woman’s place is in the home.”

    Second (and more importantly) by using the phrases “turning the other cheek” and “almost suicidal” in the ways you have, you are clearly implying that Elisabeth Elliot teaches women to endure abuse in some instances. That’s a bold accusation you’re making against Elisabeth Elliot, Kathryn, and what’s worse is that you’re offering absolutely no hard evidence to back up your claim. (”She has said in public that wives should stay with abusive husbands” is NOT hard evidence.)

    Kathryn, you’re dancing dangerously close to the line of “bearing false witness against your neighbor” (Exodus 20:16) if you haven’t crossed that line already. Don’t spread “facts” you can’t back up.

  5. Kathryn
    July 31st, 2006 @ 4:37 pm

    My point was that, as much as I may appreciate the sacrifices she has made, her views on certain subjects are not what I would endorse. I may not be able to back up these things with active proof, but they are true to the best of my knowledge.

  6. Kathryn
    July 31st, 2006 @ 4:43 pm

    I did indeed actually read the words of Elisabeth Elliot herself that a woman’s place is in the home. She made the statement that husbands should tell their wives that they will support them while they stay home and raise the kids, “and do the job that only you can do”. Those words have been etched across my memory ever since.

  7. Kathryn
    July 31st, 2006 @ 5:04 pm

    If anyone can prove that Elisabeth Elliot did not say these things, in particular the statements about wives and abusive husbands, I will apologize. She does however say things in public from time to time, and we shouldn’t be surprised if someone disagrees with her.

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