The State of Me

November 1, 2005

So, where have I been? Well, I’ll tell ya. I’ve been cloistered in my basement watching TV. And I’ve been eating too. A lot. It seems I can’t get enough of either. Both addictions are due to pregnancy of course—at least that’s what I’m blaming them on. That’s one good thing about being pregnant—it’s such a great catchall excuse for all the horrid, unbecoming, entirely unspiritual things I do.

Sitting in front of the TV was the only activity that didn’t exacerbate my nausea during my first trimester. Therefore, I became addicted and now I can’t seem to rip myself away from the beast. And I’m eating so much because I think I’m actually going to give birth to an elephant…instead of a squirrel as previously thought.

I’m so glad my addictions are accompanied by pregnancy for two reasons. First, I like watching TV while I’m pregnant because I cry easier, harder and much more often. It’s so good for my soul. Three Wishes is a particularly good show if I’m looking to have a good cry—which I always am. I inevitably turn into a bawling idiot. Tell me you don’t cry too. Every Friday that show rips my heart out and feeds it to wild dogs. Second, I like eating while I’m pregnant because there is little to no guilt associated with what and how much I consume and in fact, most of the time I am overwhelmed by the feeling that I DESERVE EVERY LAST MORSEL THAT FINDS ITS WAY INTO MY MOUTH.

No weird cravings yet except for beer. Yes, that’s right, beer. Never wanted a beer so much in my life. When I’m normal (you know, not with child) I don’t like beer. In fact, I’m not much of a drinker at all. But what kind of sick joke is it that all of the sudden a beer never sounded so good? The smell alone is nearly enough to send me over the edge. Everyone tells me—actually not everyone because I’ve only told a very select few about my craving for beer lest they think it not very becoming of the pastor’s wife…but that’s all flying out the window as I speak, of course, given that I am revealing yet another of my ugly issues to all 53.4 billion of you. Anyway, as I was saying, the few I’ve confessed my crazed craving to have suggested nonalcholohic beer. I’m just not feelin’ it. So, basically, just feel sorry for me because the very thing I crave I cannot have.

Now, please excuse me. The boob tube calls. And so does that bag of chips and salsa. Hmmm. Sure wish I could have a beer.

Category: Life

Comments

One Response to “The State of Me”

  1. surcie
    November 15th, 2005 @ 9:35 am

    Beer? That is really funny. I wonder what beer contains that you’re craving. As for me, I craved margaritas! I probably should’ve sucked on limes or something.

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