What is My Deal?

August 19, 2005

So.

I’ve got issues. Well, I thought I did anyway. Apparently the issues I’ve spent so much time and energy working through for 20-some-odd years were really never issues in the first place.

I just finished talking to my aunt—the one on whom I hung up the phone the day my brother died. She gave me her version of the events that happened on that fateful day (which were, by the way, corroborated by my mother) and the bottom line is, the things I remember happening never really happened. No, the entire sequence of events was entirely different than I thought.

No, I did not hang up the phone (which I have always believed prevented the emergency vehicles from arriving in time to save my brother). In fact, according to her, I was playing OUTSIDE IN THE BACKYARD when my brother was found not breathing and when said phone call was made.

So good. Now I’m TOTALLY off the hook for thinking I killed my brother at age three. I guess that’s positive. The problem is, I’ve used that event as the explanation for all my anxiety, obsession and negativity ever since. So…if all my crap can no longer be blamed on that, I am forced to ask myself once again: WHAT IS MY PROBLEM ANYWAY?

And another thing. I’m a little ticked I spent so much money on a year and a half of therapy dealing with an issue that was never really an issue. There must be someone I can sue.

Related posts:

1. A Wounded Heart, Part 5
2. A Wounded Heart, Part 2
3. Tired
4. Hi, I’m Amy. I’m Stuck in a Rut.

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