You Know You’re a Pastor’s Wife When…

August 1, 2005

Just my own personal list…

You know you’re a pastor’s wife when…you are rarely referred to by your given name. You are most often “The Pastor’s Wife” or a variation on that theme (“Pastor ______’s Wife,” “Married to the Pastor,” etc.). You may even be called “The First Lady” (which I find personally unnerving—I don’t know why). In our church, there’s a guy from Brooklyn, NY who calls me “The Underboss.” Now THAT I can handle.
You know you’re a pastor’s wife when…people act weird around you. I was once in a conversation with a group of adults when one woman said, “Yeah, I haven’t been to church in a while.” As soon as she said it, she looked at me with an “I’ve been caught” look and then she said, “Oops…busted.” For the record, I don’t take attendance. I am not a babysitter. And my general feeling is that adults can and should make their own decision about if and when they attend church. Heck, it takes all my energy to make sure I make it to church let alone the rest of the population.
You know you’re a pastor’s wife when…you relate best to anyone NOT in your church. This is largely due to #2, however it’s also because you don’t know how to deal with the I – have – no – idea – how – much – to – share – with – you – about – my – personal – life – because – it – will – most – likely – involve – issues – about – my – husband – leaving – his – underwear – around – (or something similar) – and – my – husband – is – your – pastor – and – you – probably – don’t – want – to – hear – about – his – underwear.
You know you’re a pastor’s wife when…you wish you had a dime for every time someone claims your husband said something that he never said. If you did, you would be a very, very rich woman. And if you had another dime for every time what he supposedly said was ABSOLUTELY OUTRAGEOUS and UTTERLY STUPID, you’d double your money.
You know you’re a pastor’s wife when…”rich” (monetarily speaking) is not in your vocabulary. Never has been. Never will.
You know you’re a pastor’s wife when…you’re either extremely uncomfortable or extremely gleeful (depending on your personality) when you’re in a conversation with someone who uses lots of four-letter words and then asks you the question, “So, what does your husband do?”

Got any more I should add to the list PW’s?

Category: Pastors' Wives

Comments

54 Responses to “You Know You’re a Pastor’s Wife When…”

just me
August 2nd, 2005 @ 5:13 pm

O how I wish I was witty enough to add to your list. I laughed out loud … truly. I’ll have to think about this for awhile. If I come up with anything I’ll let you know.
Joanna
August 6th, 2005 @ 9:58 pm

You know you’re a pastor’s wife when you walk into a room of ladies and everyone stops talking. Hmmm, I wonder who they were talking about??
julie
August 17th, 2005 @ 4:54 pm

you know you’re a pastor’s wife when everyone makes you bless the food wherever you go!
Linda
September 19th, 2005 @ 11:02 am

You know you’re a pastor’s wife when your house is in the church parking lot.
Dena
December 21st, 2005 @ 9:22 pm

What a great piece! As a Pastor’s Wife, I completely identified with you…and then I laughed out loud. I can’t wait to peruse your blog.
Virginia
January 23rd, 2006 @ 2:14 pm

You know you’re a pastor’s wife when someone asks if you can play the piano or sing a solo. You also know you’re a pastor’s wife when people want to check out what you are drinking at any social occasion!
Zoe
February 28th, 2006 @ 3:30 am

Thank you for making me smile and laugh out loud!
LadyJ
February 28th, 2006 @ 3:01 pm

You know you’re a pastor’s wife when every pot luck you go home with a truck load full of unwanted left-overs!
kelli
February 28th, 2006 @ 3:07 pm

that is so very funny and and so very true:)
Amy
March 8th, 2006 @ 2:34 pm

I’m lovin’ your additions….
Anita
March 28th, 2006 @ 2:02 pm

You know you are a pastor’s wife when you dog has “shy bladder” while the church members are moving about the parking lot. Poor puppy…
Anita
March 28th, 2006 @ 2:03 pm

Oh and when someone calls your “home” (aka: the parsonage) at midnight to ask for prayer for their sinus headache!
Anita
March 28th, 2006 @ 2:06 pm

…or even better when someone calls (late night of course) to request an “Exorcism” (I wish I was kidding)…not to mention my hubby is a METHODIST minister!
Anita
March 28th, 2006 @ 2:06 pm

I could go on, and on, and on…
hanna
April 15th, 2006 @ 12:19 am

you know your the pastor’s wife when people don’t let you pick up the tab because “pastor’s have no money”.
Louise
April 18th, 2006 @ 6:31 pm

Or when people expect your husband to pick up the tab because after all they have been working as volunteers for the church and your husband should be thankful and pay for their lunch.
Denise
May 16th, 2006 @ 2:09 pm

You know you’re the PW when you suddenly find your husband is out of a job, your kids out of a school and your family without friends or a place to live.
Rose
May 19th, 2006 @ 1:10 pm

You know your the wife of the music minister when people will ask..

Member: So, what instrument do you play?”
PW: I don’t play anything.
Member: Well how long have you been singing?
PW: I don’t sing! *with a big, gleeful smile*
Member: YOU DON’T EVEN SING?????? *secretly thinking: what kind of woman are you??*
Rose
May 19th, 2006 @ 1:13 pm

You know when you’re a minister’s wife when people say, “I know you’re married to ——- but what is your name again?”
TERI
May 24th, 2006 @ 11:32 am

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A PASTORS WIFE WHEN THEY START CALLING YOU THE “FIRST LADY”….WHO DO THEY THINK I AM?!! LAURA BUSH?!
demetris johnson
May 25th, 2006 @ 10:58 am

i’m not a pw, but i prayed that all pw, will receive an abundance amount of grace to walk in their calling…the “PASTOR’S WIFE”…many many many blessings to all PW…with sincere LOVE….
Camille Howard
May 30th, 2006 @ 5:48 pm

You know you are the Pastor’s wife when the Pastor makes reference to your personal lives when he preaches….you know you are the pastor’s wife when your husband is asking you to do paperwork when he has a secretary…..you are the pastor’s wife when everything involving the women you have to be in charge of and coordinate….you know you are the pastor’s wife when you have held at least seven position in the church at one time!!!
Marion
June 11th, 2006 @ 4:25 am

You know you are the pastor’s wife when you find yourself crawling on the floor so people sitting in church can’t see you at home on a Sunday morning because you’re sick and the church windows look into your living area.
Amy
June 12th, 2006 @ 10:07 am

Marion, that is HILARIOUS. That would totally be me.
Jeano
July 31st, 2006 @ 5:30 pm

You know you’re a pastor’s wife when you are expected to meet up to each persons’ list of expectations… perfectly… all the time.
Jill
March 30th, 2007 @ 12:15 am

….when a “nosy” church member calls you three times in about 3 weeks wanting to know why you and your daughter have not been in church. And–she knows full well why; all due to illness; mainly daughter has been ill with bronchitis and a bad flu virus but, instead of offering anything, she goes digging for more “gossip material.”
Martha
November 14th, 2008 @ 10:38 am

You know you’re a pastor’s wife when you never know even public gossip (like “so-&-so had her baby” or “the ___ family is moving”) because people never tell you anything because they either assume 1) you already know (ha!) or 2) it’s none of your business (probably true in many cases).
karla
November 14th, 2008 @ 9:19 pm

you know you are the pastor’s wife when EVERYONE asks you for information about things going on in the church…and of course, you never know, because you are the last person your husband has time to talk to.
Carmen
December 10th, 2008 @ 4:15 am

You know you are a pastor’s wife when you often feel lonely and trapped.
Indy
January 2nd, 2009 @ 9:08 am

Great post…love Hanna’s response

You know you’re the pastor’s wife when women look up to you and think you are perfect.

Indy’s last blog post..Resolution Solution
Miranda
January 15th, 2009 @ 10:52 am

I am so glad I came accross this blog. I loved this! It was funny and oh so true.

AMY: Glad to have you Miranda!
Rhonda
January 30th, 2009 @ 12:53 am

Thanks for the list, Amy. I certainly needed the (oh-its-so-true-and-yet-so-sad) laugh!
Tammy
February 4th, 2009 @ 5:12 pm

You know you’re the pastors wife when everyone else lets you know that they know your job better than you do and they proceed to “set you straight”.

You know you’re the pastor’s wife when people tell you how you should dress and how you should never dress!

You know you’re the pastor’s wife when ( just because they hired your husband as the pastor) they think it’s a buy one get one free special and you are now a free employ that they can give a jillion jobs to and tell you what to do all the time and what’s wrong with your husband, your children, your parenting, all your decisions and feel obligated to “HELP” you by pointing it out to you.

You know that you are the pastor’s wife when your bonus check is used to pay for something that will minister to the youth and the church leaders refuse to pay for it from church funds and tell you that using your bonus is the only way it will happen and you do it because you feel like the youth will be blessed by going to this particular youth activity and then the church tells the youth, the congregation and others that the church paid for it.

You know your a pastor’s wife when you’re expected to know how to do every job in the church and do it without complaining or needing help.

You know you’re a pastor’s wife when you’re expected to be at every church service and activity.

You know you’re a pastor’s wife when your husband innocently calls the church secretary to ask a simple innocent question and only says a few words when you hear the woman yelling at him about all kinds of stuff and since your husband has had to deal with alot of stuff like that for weeks, he sits down on the bed with tears in his eyes and you tell the lady exactly what you think about the way she just acted and answer all her questions completely honestly and then she asks your husband,”Well, what did I say or do that upset her so much?”

You know your the pastor’s wife when your kids are expected to be perfect!

You know your’re the pastor’s wife when someone tells you to,”tell that man of yours” that I’m not happy with the decissions that were made by the church board and think ___,___,and ____ shouldn’t have been in on that decission and I think that _____ and _____ should have been in on that decission. You tell,”that man of yours” I’m not very happy with him right now and that his made me pretty mad.

You know you’re a pastor’s wife when you are expected to be a messenger to carry messages to your husband for people who don’t have the guts or nerve to tell him theirselves.
Tammy
February 4th, 2009 @ 7:24 pm

You know you’re a pastor’s wife when you’re expected to go to your congregations children’s ball games and other extra curricular activities but they never come to your children’s ball games and activities.

You know you’re a pastor’s wife when people put your children down to lift their own children up.
Tammy
February 4th, 2009 @ 7:42 pm

You know you’re a pastor’s wife when people just meet you and you don’t even know them yet and they tell you a list of sins they have in their life and tell you they might as well be the first to tell you cause you’ll find out anyway and then they proceed to tell you all their marriage trouble and all the intimate personal issues about their sex life. The whole time, your face is turning red, you’r wondering how do I get out of this and why are you telling me this; I don’t even really know you yet and your trying not to let them see an expression on your face that says RRRUUUUNNNN!!!!
Grace
February 26th, 2009 @ 2:23 am

You know you’re a pastor’s wife when you receive clothes for your kids that Goodwill turned down…when you find out from a Visitor your husband will be out of town for the next three days…when your children ask why they never get to sleep in on Sunday…when you eat mac & cheese five meals in a row to pay for that members restaurant tab that can be “deducted” from your taxes…when you are envied for living with a Spiritual GIANT of a man (no, he never sins)…when you are accused of overprotecting and neglecting your children in the same sentence…when you are berated for not attending adult Sunday School (they don’t know you have been teaching their children’s Sunday School class)…when you are asked for last weeks sermon points and your mind goes completely blank…when you use your birthday gift card and your salary goes down…when your husband makes (3rd this week) midnight visit and they tell you – finally I am getting some good out of my tithe money…when you still go to your husbands church!!!
Grace
February 26th, 2009 @ 2:48 am

when your immodest outfit is the subject of a 45 minute church leadership discussion and it was a hand-me-down from your 63 year old mother in law (not kidding)…when you are asked not to come to the gossip study – oops I mean Bible study and your lack of involvement is complained about…when you have a C-section and are sent prayer requests and nursery sign-up sheets in lieu of flowers…when you have gall-bladder surgery and are asked to make this the last surgery because its hindering your ministry…have hernia surgery and are told that now you are just trying to get out of work – the next 3 surgeries – you don’t want to know what was said! (or done)
Erin
March 6th, 2009 @ 1:52 pm

I think being the wife of a pastor requires having a great sense of humor…

You know your a pastors wife when…

introduced to a new attender in the church as the pastors wife they responde with “Well, you sure don’t look like a pastors wife.”

When you are openly criticed by church members for not attending mid-week bible study because you are at home taking care of your 2 & 3 year old children (there is no child care unless you provide it).

When you are criticized for not being able to attend morning bible studies or other church functions because you are working another job to help supplement you husbands income, so he can serve full time at the church.

When someone writes an anonymous comment on the attendance cards saying they enjoy attending the church, but the pastors wife needs to show more humillity/be more humble/dress in more humble attire.

You know your a pastors wife when people think your life is an open book for criticism; and it is ok to comment on how you don’t live up to their expectations of a “Pastor’s Wife” to your face during greeting time at Sunday service.
Grace
March 16th, 2009 @ 12:50 am

when PW is interpreted as Prisoner of War and you think – they have a point
Cindi
May 12th, 2009 @ 9:44 am

This is great! Just what I needed to hear. My hubby has been serving in our church as Youth MInister (over 7 years) and now Assocaite Pastor (for 5 mths). He is finishing school this Friday and will be ordained on Sunday. I am so not the “typical” PW, and while I knwo the Lord wants me to be “Cindi in Christ”, I feel like I will never measure up to the PW title. Dave just tells me to be “Cindi in Christ” and not worry about the rest. This blog is awesome!
Shannon
May 20th, 2009 @ 2:22 pm

Try being a cowboy cw. You know you are a cowboy preachers wife when you are called to get your horse and get a heifer back in the fence because your husband is away on business.

Love this forum. I don’t feel alone. Thanks and God bless!
Jodie
June 30th, 2009 @ 4:34 pm

I love this blog! i just found it today. I was reminded last week that as a pastor’s wife I live in a glass house. I was at a friend’s house swimming with our kids and there were at least 6 other moms with their kids. The mailman came in the back yard to hand the homeowner her mail and he looked straight at me and said “I have your mail too”. I told him he must be mistaken because I don’t live in this neighborhood. He proceeded to hand me my mail (yes, it was my mail). I have no idea how he knew I was there or going to be there or even who I was but then he said “I used to go to your church”.
Ellie
July 3rd, 2009 @ 3:57 pm

Ok, I’m not a pastor’s wife. I’m a missionary’s wife. Different.

But my best friend is a pastor’s wife. We like each other because we can talk to each other. We also work together once a week somewhere. It is relaxing to work “out of ministry” once in awhile because we can just be us.

The post about your husband’s underwear made me crack up! My friend was telling me late, late one Saturday night at work about some unusual and comical gift they got for use on their honeymoon. We died laughing over it. That would have been fine, except that neither she nor I knew that her husband would be preaching on sex the next morning! Oh, we both sat in church trying desperately not to catch each others eye! Wouldn’t do for the wife of the pastor and the wife of the missionary to be snickering during a “sex sermon”!!!
Kathy Norsworthy
July 15th, 2009 @ 11:25 am

Absolutely wonderful to know, we are not alone!
Shika
July 29th, 2009 @ 12:24 am

I absolutely love this website. I’ve just gotten engaged to a wonderful man of God! He is an associate pastor at a baptist church. Three weeks into our engagement, there are people telling me what-to & what-not-to-do already. All of these PW’s senerios are very amusing! Please keep them coming!
Elizabeth
August 6th, 2009 @ 7:38 pm

You know you’re a pw when you feel like a single parent. And when you finally do get to see your husband on your week of vacation a year you get several urgent calls. And when your return from vacation every year you’re told that you left at an inconvenient time.

It is kind of sad that most pw are lonely. It’s strange that we talk about family and marriage, but no one in the congregation wants the pastor to ever take the time to ever focus on his family or marriage.
Jamie
August 26th, 2009 @ 11:52 am

You know you are the pastor’s wife and the church pianist (yes ladies, I know, I fit the profile)when every woman in the church has an opinion about your wardrobe.
kari
October 10th, 2009 @ 10:59 pm

LOL! Too funny! I needed the laugh today, thanks!
km
October 10th, 2009 @ 11:03 pm

When…you don’t want to go to church (and you feel that way almost EVERY Sunday) for the first time in your life!
sue
October 18th, 2009 @ 6:46 pm

When your teenage son takes you out for a milestone in life since your husband is gone at a meeting.
Daisy
November 9th, 2009 @ 9:29 am

You have no idea how much I’m loving you women right now!!!!!!!!!!! I’m a PW in Africa (and, trust me, its worse here) and I so identify with almost everything you said here, even though my husband doesn’t minister full time in a church.

Here are some more from my perspective (i don’t know if they will relate with you but here goes!!)

You know you are a PW when
…you are introduced at every service you both attend
…you never attend wedding receptions or baptism/confirmation parties (the latter unless you are Godparents)
…you are always given the front pew to sit in even in visiting churches, whether you like it or not
…you win some congregational praise for staying at home to look after hubby and the kids
…you’re always the problem in your marriage
…you are the finest actress you know

I’ll post more when i can think of those not already here
Eileen
December 18th, 2009 @ 9:12 am

… when you refuse to sit in the front row next to your pastor/husband (because your pants are too tight and you don’t want everyone looking at your big butt) and the congregation thinks you and your husband are having a fight.
Young Mom
January 5th, 2010 @ 1:14 pm

This is funny! I actually wrote my own post about this last month!

http://ayoungmomsmusings.blogspot.com/2009/12/how-you-know-youre-pastors-wife.html
.-= Young Mom´s last blog ..False intimacy =-.
Mary
January 10th, 2010 @ 6:00 pm

@Martha,
Or they assume that your husband has already told you!

You Know You’re a Pastor’s Wife When…

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