You’re Killin’ Me God

May 24, 2005

It’s 5 am. I’m slightly annoyed by that.

I was minding my own business, sleeping peacefully, when I rolled over and woke up just enough to notice that my husband is not in bed. This is not unusual. He’s downstairs hanging out with God. He always gets up early although he’s not usually up during the 4 o’clock hour. But occasionally God wakes him up earlier than normal. Today must be one of those days.

So when I woke up ever so slightly, noticed he was gone, glanced at the clock and saw that it was not yet 5:00, I was relieved because it meant I still had over an hour and a half yet to sleep before those little munchkins of mine wake up. Phew.

Then the thought entered my mind (which is highly unusual at this hour), that I’m glad God’s preferred time to speak to me is not at such forsaken times of the day. Thanks, Lord, for not waking me up so early, I pray sincerely but with a smile. Well, therein lies my problem.

Instantly I am unable to sleep. I am bombarded with thoughts of our neighbors across the street. Their daughter and granddaughter recently moved in with them after things with the baby’s father didn’t work out. Their daughter works two jobs and asked me a few weeks ago if I would watch her baby during the day–she knows I stay home with my kids. I agreed to do it “on occasion” I said, but that I couldn’t commit long-term.

I have to admit, the bottom line is that I didn’t want to be bothered. I was happy with the groove I was in with my own kids and I didn’t want to upset the apple cart, so to speak. I like my routines, you know.

So since then, I see people comin’ and goin’ every day over there. Someone comes to pick the baby up, another comes to drop her off. I know it must be a scheduling nightmare. And all the while, I sit calmly in my front yard, watching my kids play nicely. And I know it would not be hard to add another to the mix. And think of the potential relief it would offer the baby’s mother…not to mention the baby. Oh how selfish of me.

I battle. On the one hand I feel overwhelming compassion for that little life that desperately needs some stability and her mother who is obviously hurting so. On the other hand, there is some legitimacy in me not taking on another responsibility because I am overextended as it is.

But about a week ago I told God I’d do it if He made it clear I should. Seems pretty clear. I wonder if 5 am has anything to do with that?

Category: Deep Thoughts

Comments

3 Responses to “You’re Killin’ Me God”

  1. Cynthia
    May 30th, 2005 @ 10:30 pm

    So, I’m curious…. are you now including that little one in the mix, or how did it work out for you? I’m a semi-retired woman in her fifties and I have similar struggles… visiting my mom when I don’t really feel like it, or, like tomorrow, looking after a friend’s three little kids because she was asked (or commanded?) to work overtime. I would rather just do my own thing on my own timetable, but God obviously has different plans for me, and I DO know that I will be blessed… but it is a struggle, nonetheless. God bless you!

  2. Amy
    May 31st, 2005 @ 7:03 am

    Hi Cynthia…glad to hear someone else can relate! :) Yes, we will be adding this little peanut to the mix sometime this week or next. Once I decided to follow God’s lead, I was amazed that I actually started looking forward to it!

  3. Dwayne
    June 12th, 2005 @ 4:14 pm

    Good for you Amy! You did the right thing. That happened to us too, well sorta, but we were the peanut’s parents. Our over-the-back-fence neighbor offered to watch our little peanut while we were at work, even though she home-schooled her own 4 kids (with amazing results, I might add. Heck, my own sister home-schooled too, and..well..I digress…) We were delighted to have her in such a loving house, with schoolwork going on, while we were at work. Quite a relief! Anyway, my daughter is so well loved there that we’ve put them in our will, to be caretakers, should anything happen to both of us. I wanted to share that, only to remind you that once you start watching that little one, you’ll fall in love. Kids do that to ya - little rats :)

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