WithPurpose

I’m just finishing Beth Moore’s Esther study and it has come at a great time. I’ve always enjoyed Esther, but I’ve gained new insights this time around for which I am so thankful.

In yesterday’s assignment, she pointed out how God flip-flopped the circumstances for the Jews in Persia completely. Haman wrote an edict intended to destroy the Jews, but Moredecai & Esther’s edict intended just the opposite.

The Jews responded to Haman’s edict with mourning, fasting, weeping, and wailing (Esther 4:3), but the Jews responded with happiness, joy, gladness and honor to Mordecai & Esther’s edict (Esther 8:16).

I love how she (Beth) then encouraged me to think of 4 negatives in my life that I would like God to reverse. I easily came up with 4:

1. The tendency for me to see the negative in someone before I see the good (especially in my family and myself). My deceptive thought is that if I point out the bad, it can be changed for good. Right?!?!
2. Related, the heavy atmosphere my negativity causes in our home.
3. Excessive guilt.
4. Perfectionism.

And what 4 positives would I like God to replace them with?

1. A lighthearted, affirming spirit in me.
2. A home where encouragement and patience reigns.
3. Freedom.
4. Grace.

I loved what she said:

Are any of [your positives] unbiblical? I’m imagining not. Unless you’re asking something ungodly and vindictive, I want to challenge you to turn those descriptions into petitions.

It’s simple and common sense, I guess, but this never occurred to me — to ask for the reverse. What I desire is definitely godly and right. I just never thought to ask.

But I’m asking now.

What are the things you hope God will reverse for you?

The bottom line is, I have too many irons in the fire. (No, this is not an announcement that I’m canning WithPurpose.com. I don’t plan to do that.) But here’s my crazy pattern:

1. Things fall through the cracks (ex. I forget to sign a permission slip for one of the kids, someone runs out of clean underwear, we have spaghetti for dinner again because I haven’t been shopping in forever, etc.)
2. I’ve got guilt, not just for a permission slip, some underwear or dinner, but because I’m just overall a major mother failure.
3. I vow to change, so I list all my responsibilities and make yet another weekly schedule because if I just had the perfect schedule, I could do it all.
4. Upon listing my responsibilities, I realize everything requires me to give something — a withdrawal on my soul.
5. Upon tweaking my schedule, I realize I can just fit in all my responsibilities. But there’s no cushion. No room for deposits.
6. I keep to my new schedule for about 2 days, after which I’m frustrated that someone or something always needs me and there are no deposits.
7. So I decide I need a deposit — an “outlet” just for me — and I squeeze it in.
8. Of course there’s no time, so I get frustrated and take out my frustration on everyone around me.
9. I react to my frustration by pouring myself into that “deposit” thinking that will relieve my frustration.
10. All the other things in my schedule take a hit.
11. Something falls through the cracks.
12. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

What’s the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result? Um, yeah.

I’ve often thought about Christ and how He frequently passed people right by without helping them. And yet it was always right.

Somehow He understood what He could and couldn’t do, chose to do only the things the Father wanted Him to do and let the rest of it go. How did He feel about those He left “standing in line” waiting for Him? How did He feel when they said, “Pshaw. I thought you were the Messiah! How come you’re ignoring me and my needs?”

It’s not a matter of separating the good stuff from the bad stuff and only doing the good, but choosing the good stuff from the good stuff and only choosing the better. That’s what makes it hard.